Lesson Learned

We all make mistakes. Some are obviously bigger and more painful than others, of course, but nonetheless, they’re still things we never intentionally set out to cause. Despite the fact that we never intend to mess up, I bet many of you are like me in that you still feel terrible when it happens. Mistakes happen. We should be able to just shrug it off and move onward, right?

Gosh, I wish I were one of those people who could shrug off the missed typo, the burnt steak, or the neglect of not checking my stock positions on the one day I really needed to. Whether small or large, whenever I make a mistake, I never shrug it off. I usually spend way too much time overanalyzing the error of my ways and then come to a similar conclusion every time: find the lesson and move onward.

Last week I caused an unfortunate design mishap to occur. I rushed through a client order and neglected to follow my golden design rule, which is to run it by an objective pair of eyes before sending off to print. Time was of the essence, I was feeling design cocky, and so, I packaged up the files and sent them off to print without my trusted design partner’s eagle eye.

Two days later, the brochures arrived - all five thousand of them with a glaring mistake. I transposed the letter ‘I’ for the letter ‘U’ in a critical context. The letter ‘I’ stood out like a beacon to my stunned eyes. The call to my client was not an easy one. Five thousand brochures later, a simple transposed letter turned into thousands of dollars my department would have to eat. But, hey, mistakes happen, right?

Right, but… this was a mistake that could’ve been easily avoided had I followed my usual system and not been in a rush. Ah ha! The lesson is learned and seared into my brain for now and forever.

Mistakes are painful to make. But, we all make them. Once they’re made, they’re hard to erase. They remain like the ink of a permanent marker. I spent two days shaking my head, sighing, wanting desperately to kick myself for such a silly, costly mistake.

I’ll never make that mistake twice. I learned my lesson. That’s what’s important I think.


Do you try to find the lesson in your mistakes?


Wishing you peace,
Suzie

I feel it's critical to support the community, and so I've committed to donate a portion of my book sale proceeds to the NOH8 Campaign (www.noh8campaign.com)

Take Five

Ever have one of those days when you feel like you’re being stretched way beyond a reasonable point? Yesterday my day went down like this: I arrived at my day job pumped to engage fully in a project that required my immediate attention only to be sidetracked by three different people with three different tasks of greater priority to the one I first planned to tackle. My head spun instantly and my breathing shallowed to a mere whisper, flirting with my lungs but not quite engaging. Terrible feeling!

I was expected to race from one emergency situation to another.  I’m talking the type of emergencies that are really petty in scope, but are classified as emergency by executives who believe the world will cave in on us all if something isn’t done that very minute. Hold the bathroom breaks. Hold the meals. Hold the water. No time for that. The department has design issues. Oh my! If I sound a little facetious, it’s because I am (big smile).

Sometimes when people rush towards me with a pile of ‘emergency’ items that can’t possibly be put off for another business day, I do this: I close my office door, toss my hands up in the air, and bend over in cathartic laughter. May seem like a nontraditional response, but hey, I’m not so traditional.

I am not a fan of reactivity. I’d much rather be proactive whenever possible. I enjoy when I’m able to accomplish the most important tasks first. For this to happen, priorities need to be set. I think most people would agree that the average person stumbles through the day putting out fires set by others. Placing ourselves in this situation, we're not able to collect our thoughts and logically and strategically plan ahead to avoid these bouts where we are dashing from one end of the room to the other leaving our wits at the door.

I’m a firm believer our wits should never be left at the door. They should be held in the highest of regards because if not, someone is sure to come by and snatch them from us.

Yesterday, my day started to unravel even before I had time to stick my lunch tote in the fridge, before I had time to brew a necessary cup of java, before I could even hang up my coat! Immediately, I started to fall victim to the kind of pressure capable of destroying the human spirit.

What did I do? I shut my door, did my ritual of tossing hands in the air and laughing, and then I took five minutes to clear my brain with some deep breathing. As long as I am on someone else’s dime, I can’t control the external fires being set. What I can control though is how I react to them.

Five minutes of creating clarity was all it took to set my day back on a fruitful track. By any other measure, I wouldn’t have been effective. This is what we have to remember each day when we are tested to the brink. Our sanity depends largely on how we react to a given situation. I, for one, refuse to allow other people’s haphazard reluctance to plan ahead affect me in any unhealthy way. No one wins that way.

Next time you’re frazzled, take the five minutes to balance yourself and face things head on with a clearer, more focused mentality. You’ll save yourself a headache and be giving the best of you to those around you.

Wishing you much peace,
Suzie

I feel it's critical to support the community, and so I've committed to donate a portion of my book sale proceeds to the NOH8 Campaign (www.noh8campaign.com)

Shifting Focus

Complaining only gets in our way.

So, why do we complain? I can come up with all sorts of viable reasons. It feels good. It makes us feel connected with others. We get confirmation that we’re not the only ones going through tough stuff. We receive the empathy of others, and let’s face it, empathy is comforting.

Some days we may just feel like caving in and say to the world, ‘come swaddle me in some comfort while I unleash the weight of the world onto your shoulders.’ We may invite a friend in to listen to our complaints, and before we know it, we’re both waddling around together in the same pool of anguish, both equally upset about our situations, both wishing we could right the wrongs of this illogical world and start fresh.

Gosh, if life only came with a magic eraser! Unfortunately, we can’t right certain wrongs regardless how ridiculous and unfair they are. We can’t make people see our plights with the same thoughtful eye with which we see them. We can’t change people.

If you’re like most people, you may even start to build a chip on your shoulder over the ignorance of others that insults you every day and over the bitterness that starts to erode your once lively spirit. Before long, you’re so deep in complaint mode, you are stuck. Stuck in the muck.

Many times we’re so rigidly focused on those things that spoil our spirits that we can’t see past the haze that pollutes our worlds. We don't even realize that if we look beyond the haze there is a whole lot of brightness that can help ease those things that eat away at our souls.

We must focus not on the haze, but on the brightness behind it. But how when the haze is so thick?

Well, by making a choice. We can choose to continue to complain and get the same null results or we can choose to shift our focus to things that make us feel good.

So try this - the next time the world is beating you up, and it will because that’s life, don’t stare at its mighty, impenetrable fists. Rather, cock your head to the side and latch onto the happy sights around, like the child giggling in the yard next door, or the dog wagging his tail, or the wounded warrior wearing a smile on his face, or the trees dancing in the sky. Take in all of the beauty in your peripheral view. It's waiting for you to take notice.


When you change your view, you transform your world.


Wishing you the best, 
Suzie


I feel it's critical to support the community, and so I've committed to donate a portion of my book sale proceeds to the NOH8 Campaign (www.noh8campaign.com)

Photography courtesy of T.A. Royce. If you are interested in purchasing any of the photos in this video, please contact photographer directly on Twitter @editor_girl.

Balancing Act

By Suzie Carr

@girl_novelist

Yesterday, I spent the better part of my day desperately trying to get in the zone. I even drank four cups of coffee, but to no avail, I couldn't focus. 

Finally, listening to my body, I surrendered to the lazy afternoon. 

This is highly unlike me. I’m that crazy go-getter with a mile long to-do list and more goals than would be humanly possible to accomplish in one lifetime. Despite this, I realize that every once in a while, we all need a day to play hooky. It does the mind good to rest it and let it run loose without restraint. So, yesterday, after fighting the urge to relax for too long, I loosened the grip and just let myself enjoy a beautiful afternoon free of work, of demands, of anything that required too much focus.

I needed to do this. Lately, I’ve scheduled my days to the minute. I believe goal setting and actions are critical to move forward in life. But, I also I believe if a person charges full force ahead leaving no room for fun, for wonder, for freedom, she will fall flat and run out of steam.

Balance is key.

Every once in a while, we all need to take time out to just be. So, after spending the morning running around like a wild woman clocking one important task after another, I ran out of steam and had nothing left. That’s when I surrendered. I let the tension roll off of my shoulders and embraced some downtime.

I breathed in some beautiful fresh air, basked in the unseasonably warm February sunshine and let my mind wander off to the beauty of the birds flying above and the fluffy white clouds floating on the backdrop to the prettiest periwinkle sky I’d seen in a while.

The result? Today, my mind is clear. My breaths are deeper. My heart is open to the possibilities of a brand new day.

Bring it on! I am recharged.

Here’s hoping you find that sweet spot of balance in your life, too!

Suzie

I feel it's critical to support the community, and so I've committed to donate a portion of my book sale proceeds to the NOH8 Campaign (www.noh8campaign.com)

Enthusiasm

By Suzie Carr

@girl_novelist

I woke up this morning feeling tired and a little cranky for no particular reason. I set out walking my dogs, Sunshine and Bumblebee, in a state of mindless abandonment, getting irritated when they took too long to sniff a patch of grass. As I rounded the bend at the end of my street, my female dog, Bumblebee, became super excited over a tennis ball she found sitting lonely on the sidewalk. You would have thought she discovered a lifetime supply of dog biscuits the way her tail wagged and her ears perked.

In that moment, we all came alive, awoken by Bumblebee’s enthusiastic energy. After this, she pranced around the neighborhood holding onto that ball like it was a part of her exuberant being now, grateful that the day had presented her with a beautiful gift.

Gratitude – the golden ticket to enthusiasm.

As she pranced, I felt inspired to catalogue things for which I was grateful – the mild air, the light breeze, my two healthy dogs, my safe neighborhood, etc. I pranced alongside Bumblebee and Sunshine for another fifteen minutes, and by the time I walked back into my house, my list was still not complete. My heart overflowed with gratitude for everything I had been gifted in life.

My entire demeanor transformed from sleepy to enthusiastic by simply shifting my focus to gratitude for everything and everyone in my life. Thanks to my Bumblebee this morning, I caught her enthusiasm out of her gratitude over her new toy. Now, who knows? Maybe someone I come across today will catch some of her enthusiasm from me.

Here’s hoping!

Suzie Carr

The Power to Forgive

"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." – Epictetus 

By: @girl_novelist

I once held a grudge against someone for three months over something hurtful she said to me. I carried that grudge around like it was my suit of armor. It justified my bitterness. I’d go to sleep at night and allow this grudge to take up refuge in my dreams. I’d wake in the morning and further allow it to accompany me through the day and diminish my spirit.  To sum up this span of time – I wasted three good months of my life. 

Forgiving someone is hard. At that moment of giving in, you feel like you’re selling out. So, you hold tight to your ideals for the sake of standing your ground and you wait for that moment when vindication seeps in and makes you feel good again. 

I waited three months for this person to apologize for her hurtful words. The apology never arrived. Instead, I was left with nothing more than a dreaded feeling that I had lost a battle and she had won. 

Then one day I was having lunch with a good friend of mine, complaining about how much worse I felt towards this person still after three long months. My friend placed her fork down, then reached out for my fork and placed mine down, too.  She grabbed hold of my hands, stared me straight in the eye and begged me to let go.  “Be the better person and forgive her.”

The pressure of my three-month burden suddenly suffocated me.  I wanted to let go. 

The weight of carrying around this anger for so long had created such an imbalance, such a burden, such an emotional drain on my soul that suddenly I needed to shed it. I wanted to sleep a full night again. I wanted to wake up feeling light and happy. I wanted my peace back. 

I spent one whole week writing and rewriting an email to this person trying to find the right words to describe the pain she had caused me, and how I wanted to just move on and forget everything. These drafts grew to the size of a chapter, stretching out for thousands of words. Every new draft seemed to negate the very thing I was trying to do. I was telling her how wrong she was and how I was going to be the one to set it right.  She’d never read this and think, yeah, let’s hug now and be best of friends again.   

So, a week later, thousands of words into it, I decided on this instead: “I miss you and I love you.” 

I hit send and the weight of the world fell from my shoulders. 

I learned that sometimes the best way to show your strength is to be humble with it and come in like a gentle breeze. 

Wishing you lots of peace, 

Suzie 

I feel it's critical to support the community, and so I've committed to donate a portion of my book sale proceeds to Chely Wright's LikeMe foundation (http://likeme.org/) to help provide support, resources and education to LGBT individuals, and their families and friends.

A Personal Mission

I start my day at 3 a.m. 

I start out each day with a clear purpose, knowing exactly what I want to accomplish in that first critical, creative hour. I set out with coffee in hand and then plow into my determined project for that day. Once 4 a.m. strikes, I’ve made a tangible dent into one of my many life affirming projects.  Then, I relax into a fun romp through my social networking sites as a reward. 

The rest of my day follows suit. I tackle those projects that I deem most life affirming first, then drift for a few deserved minutes into surfing the net for fun. By the end of a week, I’ve accomplished my weekly goals. By the end of the month, I’ve accomplished my monthly goals. And by the end of a year, I’ve accomplished my yearly goals.  

This is strict to some, but it works for me. And, that is what is most important. Find what works and stick to it. 

For me, the only way to clearly reach my goals is if I know what they are and become intimately familiar with them. I do this by writing a personal mission statement at the start of every year. In it I detail what I’d like the end result to be. Then, I set out to create it.  

“"The best way to predict your future is to create it." - Stephen Covey

Many people stumble when it comes to writing a mission statement because to write one takes time and clarity. I found if I start with the end in mind, I am more successful in deciding exactly what it is I want out of life. You might find it helpful to imagine your 80th birthday celebration. What would you like to have accomplished in your life by that point? What would you like for people to say to you as they hug you and eat a slice of cake alongside of you? The answers you come up with are the things you should be focusing on in your present life. Write them down. Create action steps to achieving them by setting up daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly goals that point to their completion. 

It’s never too late to start living your dreams. Just don’t wait too long because life is speeding by every second of the day! 

Wishing you success along the way,

Suzie

I feel it's critical to support the community, and so I've committed to donate a portion of my book sale proceeds to Chely Wright's LikeMe foundation (http://likeme.org/) to help provide support, resources and education to LGBT individuals, and their families and friends.